Whatever.

这个新年，我不觉得有什么特别。没有气氛，没有意义，没有值得开心的事。我完全不期待新年，也不想过年。一到新年，需要承受的其实不比想象中的少。亲戚的问题一堆又一堆，虽然能和表兄弟姐妹见面，但就是不能尽兴，玩什么都不起劲，想少了什么一样。团圆饭的意义是什么?四年前，我已经忘记了什么叫团圆，忘记了团圆饭的味道。一家人，各分东西，除夕夜的团圆饭跟平常有什么分别? 大年初一，对我来说，只是一个普通的星期日。我倒是觉得不习惯，因为没去教堂。

永远不会忘记四年前的年初四让我痛了那么久，每年初四都以泪洗面。今年的年初四，我笑的很累，逼自己笑得很累，很累。干嘛我的路都酱难走?在家，我连崩溃大哭一场的资格都没有。大女儿就应该要强，要成为一个好榜样。所以，不能弱，不能让人打倒。四年了，什么都应该习惯了，但是有些东西是永远不能习惯的。

我恨。我恨那些把事情搞到这地步部的人，我恨我爸爸为什么当时一言不发，我恨我妈妈为什么狠心丢下，但我更恨我自己什么都不能做，什么都帮不上。为什么死都要把事情搞得这么僵，就不能忍一忍，收敛一下你们的傲气吗?到头来，辛苦的会是谁? 大人都是这样，自私。我恨，很恨。每一次的崩溃还是释放不出心里的委屈·。
委屈只能往心里面收，不是不要找人诉苦，而是不要打扰。干嘛要把不开心和人分享?人家听了也没有开心点，反而会为了你，烦恼些。 能忍则忍，还能撑得住的就撑，眼泪擦干就没事了。 撑不住了，就崩溃的哭出来，把负担暂时放下，让肩膀休息休息。有时，真的觉得很累了。肩膀很重。大姐，一点都不好做。

我超级没自信，很容易看小自己，也清楚知道自己有多渺小。我没有能够为自己骄傲的地方，好没有用，所以我不懂自豪的感觉是什么因为我没试过。我很普通，开心就讲话，不开心就闭嘴。我的愿望也很简单，四年前生日许下的愿望至今都没改变，这个愿望，还要需多久呢?我不敢期望，因为害怕会失望。害怕，内心好害怕，好没有安全感。什么事情都可以怕一餐。就连背后痛，都不敢看医生，我怕医生告诉我 我不想听的话。

灰，我的天空有时，好灰......
是时候长大了，跌倒了，就勇敢一点，爬起来。加油。

You're never a loser until you quit trying. -Mike Ditka

many in one ♥

im going to write whats happening this three months.i mean june july and august.it will be a long long long long post ;) be patience and see.

let start with my youth camp 2.6.2011-5.6.2011
whats a nice camp huh?4 days 3 nights is not enought,definitely NOT ENOUGH.lets see the picture,Enjoy.

is the registeration.

we stay in long house,sweet and warm ♥ nice place.

waiting for the bus to go for dinner
dorcas:why so long?

makan time.

camp commandant

the husband & wife,act cool and act cute?

the quiet time ;)






the second day =) the place we visit.

hey,i know im cute ♥

dua orang buat apa ni?

had fun ;)

DIY curry puff and exercise with the sheep.

lame game..who's idea?

the last night.BBQ for dinner,yummy~

promise will let me see your face next year.

Diakonia youth the best!
it was so touched when i see this photo,miss that time,really.this camp,not only fun.Its meaningful.We play,we laugh,we crazy,we shout,we quiet,we cry,we...do all the thing together =D is a sweet and nice memories.Of course I learn many thing lar,BE STILL >> our theme.Different feel with the previous camp i had join before.I still remember the touched in my heart when i saw cwin and hosea reached the campsite safely.remember the last night,pray and listen to HIS voice.yes,he is talking to me,i know.i remember i hug many of them,that night =) sharing time,feel like want to hug HER,miss karen,she almost cried when she share.and the next morning she say something before we go,i see the tears on her face.wanna say a big thank you to her,THANK YOU for the work u done for youth.And thanks to the ''old people '',daniel steven dorcas aunty hui keng and uncle calvyn,thanks for the encouragement ♥ i love you all.Diakonia youth are awesome and amazing.Appreciate the time we spend together,for the preparation of this camp at jiejie karen house,crazy,playing while doing our things.Im glad and proud because I grow in this church.Thank you Jesus.
- LOVE YOU ALL -

Their baptism 11.6.2011

congratz =) O Lord,continue to pour your blessing upon both of them.Guide them,protect them and bless them in whatever thing they do as they will continue to praise and glorify your name.
In Jesus name,Amen.

the same day we had our camp reunion.

we go dai tao eat steamboat,after that we go desa park city =)
welcome gabriel,jie ling and jasmine to DCC yourh.
Enjoy ;)

JieJie birthday celebration :) 18.6.2011
one word to describe this celebration-awesome.haha,two days after back from camp,Daniel email me ,so secretly =P we gave her a surprise.*bina ayat berdasarkan gambar*

dorcas,good job!

happy 3oth birthday my sweet karot!

its BBQ,so miss the food..

30 years old lor,still act cute mie?

guess what they are doing? super lame.
they having competition,see who the lamest.


touched ler?

so sweet,stand in a love shape is my idea u know?

daniel korkor love karen jiejie ♥

four of us crazy.lets see what gift four of us give to karot =p
(alice,hosea,huei cwin and me)



is a anti age-ing de washing foam if i x wrong remember.
wrap it with 30 layers ;)
from a small rectangles wrap utill a shoe box size.
give me 5,hosea!

its only for someone special.
so,u knw you are the someone right? X)

oops,old angry bird..



thirty30!!!!

See,thats my big jiejie,Miss Karen aka Mrs.Chang.
blessed birthday,love you!

The best year is yet to be ♥
This night,a memorable one.Mrs.Chang,touched?hahahaha =P
she is just so awesome.you are not old,k? 30 years old only,is ok.Thanks for everything jiejie! Thanks for so sayang me,thanks for always be there for me.I will always remember what you told me that night,just a month plus after Jenny went to NewZealand.My msn ''deng deng deng'',ohh,is karot.I remember we talk so much that night.Thank you for being my big sister.I am so glad you are now a part of my life =) Thanks God for you.
Thank you Jesus.
oh ya,im looking forward to the 40th,50th 60th celebration party XD
-LOVE YOU-

Discovery of Noah's ark 16-17.7.2011

youth presentation =)
''Jesus,lover of my soul''

Believe that?i saw it,the noah's ark..yes! i saw it..
Friend,im telling you now,my God is real.
wonderful testimonies,amazing.
Thank you Fiona Leong,the Hong Kong artist and her discovery team
p/s:she say im cute,haha!~happy.

Gam mou birthday ;) 20.7.2011

sweet 16!surprise huh?
blessed birthday sister! =p

Lalalalala,BBQ night 23.7.2011

awesome.130 people =)
remember i share testomony that night,hmmn,cant breathe.
i told God i will tell what is on my mind,so actually I dun knw what im talking at that moment.
once come down from stage,tears run down too.So many people hug me after that,dorcas steven ;)
hmmn,thank you hosea and alice.Both of u wanna passed me tissue.
hmmn,just hope that more people will know about Jesus and youth will grow.
I love my God.

Dissection of a frog T.T 29.7.2011

ohhhh,pity the frog.We will remember ur sacrifice =)
May God bless you.



R.I.P,i mean the frog.

my group,peace ^^
except pei ting,she ponteng come our class one.
-nice exp-

Back to december 30.7.2011

you know what?i saw this when i stand on the stage.

love you guys ♥

thank you buddy for the support ♥
err,what could i say about this day? nothing.Im SPEECHLESS =)

Aaron day ;) 31.7.2011

go aunty arlyn hse to celebrate aaron birthday =)
Happy aaron day.thanks for inviting.
we tired,just finish leadership training then come here,but we enjoy

PD trip ;) 6.8.2011-7.8.2011

Legend hotel ;) nice place.

the room and balcony

the bathroom.

waiting for check in.


Beach time X)

Take one Take two

Take three

3 different shape =D

I know we are cute XD

steamboat,oh...our dinner

jalan-jalan after makan

Karen with the two boy ;)

being tipu by him =( playing magic.
sitting at the balcony,have a talk with Mr.Wong,listen to waves.slowly realize that actually he quiet good boy though he is a bad boy.talk banyak,nice talk,counting stars.this fella,just two years older than me but somehow i feel his talking just like the older one,so karen or so steven.quiet mature but childish also.
oh ya,time to sleep,so we pray and we say goodnight.


yes.you+you+you+you+me=us, X)

ohhhh,the contest ;)

thank you Mr.Hosea =)
and the 900 likes.

30.8.2011 Happy sweet 16♥

thanks for all the wishes ;)
thanks for the birthday present =)
thanks for so love me

*show off here*
got my name and strawberry sweet chocolate biscuit and chewing gum ;)

thanks you DK,so unexpected huh..love both of you.
err,why i only post this present?because..we got take photo
the others,i lazy take lar,sorry XD
anyway,thanks for all the present.thans for remember my birthday ♥

1.9.2011 birthday celebration ♥

the day before celebrate with DKSDHE ;)
this day celebrate with them,my whole gang.



thank you,my 38 gang for the celebration.love u all too ;)

thank you for organising this party for me,my dear ''xin''
xin=wen xin,yong xin,xin kai XD=]

brother Mr.Goo Chee Hang lar ;) a friend since standard 2.almost 9 years friend.
brother! xD

oh ya Mr.Tng ,the 5 sec,i remember it clearly untill now.
the feel of BLANK,huh..

thank you guys.

FINALLY finish my long essay,thanks to the people that make my life colourful
my dear family,sister and brother.my friend,my 38 gang ++
time to study,have a nice day.